This picture has NOTHING to do with my post...just thought it was pretty f-ing funny!So I've have some motivation issues over the winter. I figured it was just the cold and the dark and just the general lazy feeling that comes with winter. Well I'm not really shaking it off very well.
This time last year I was excited to be running, I couldn't wait to go running and I was full tilt into marathon training.
This year...I could give a sh*t. Seriously. I wish I wasn't saying this, but it is how I am feeling. I am just not "feeling" it with running right now. I don't really have the desire to run, and I have even less passion to run a race. WTF! I'm not thrilled about this.
I dragged my a** out of bed this morning to run before work and I can see myself doing that...but just the standard 3-5 miles to keep from getting fat, stay healthy and be a good role model for my girl. The thought of a long run on the weekend is making me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think part of what happened was just life. Over the winter I started to really enjoy having my evenings back. Last year I loved running with Nikki at night, shooting the sh*t and catching up on life...and the hanging out with Nikki part I would still like :)...but what I really love about having my evenings back is being able to spend more time with Hsin at night and not be rushed to get out and get my run in. I like not being a panicked mess about what needs to get done around the house because I can actually get things done after Hsin goes to bed. I am at work all day, and when I run at night I go running the minute Hsin is in bed which means by the time I get home and get showered it is after 9 and its time to pack lunches, pick out work clothes and go the f*ck to bed. That I do NOT like! Hsin has always gone to bed at 7:30 too and that is about to end. She is starting to stay up until 8, and if she is up, I don't want to go running.
Last year long runs on the weekend felt like a chore that had to fit in around life. I felt like I was on this freaking schedule. I didn't realize it at the time, maybe the motivation of running my first marathon had something to do with it, but having to figure out when the hell to get my long run in between seeing friends, going away for the weekend, birthday parties, barbeques, etc...at times it felt like my LIFE was getting in the way of my running and that feels a little a** backwards to me. LIFE is what I should be living. My husband and my lovely little person are who my time and priorities should be with. That is where I WANT to be. I want to live life as it happens and not live it based on some schedule of running I am on. I want to be at a point that if I miss a run the world won't end. But if the world does end tomorrow what is it I want to have done the day before that happens...a 20 mile run or something wickedly fun with my family or my friends. I think you all know the answer to that. I want to do what I want to do, not what I can or should do to support a long run the next day. I want to garden, go to the beach, ride bikes, or just veg out sometimes.
I like running. I LOVE what running does for my body, and for my mind. I want to train enough to run a few fun races, but I don't want to be a slave to it this year. I thought after last year that I could do this again, but I am just not finding that passion for it that I though would come so easily.
I have a half marathon scheduled in May. It is going to be a bloodbath. At least it is happening along with a fun girls getaway with Nikki. That part will be fun. The running part will suck just a HUGE bit!